I did some jarring, went to a Girl Party, and attended a rodeo at the Royal Fair. Unfortunately my computer and camera are fighting so for now please enjoy this silly picture they gave me for free at the Royal Fair. The lady told me to pretend I am in a chilly forest. My double chin also decided to make an appearance.
Growing up Baptist in a poor black neighborhood taught me a few things. Number 1- Never trust “the man”. Number 2- When mixing drinks Kool Aid is a good option. And Number 3- Gospel music is AMAZING! Whether or not I believe in Jesus is irrelevant. I enjoy music, and I enjoy things made with passion (for instance I make my taco’s with much passion, thus I enjoy them). I love the energy and power a gospel choir has. If politics were set this way I would know what was going on.
Please take a few seconds to view this amazing choir. Look at the energy in that group. It sucks you in and makes you want to know more about this man they sing about. What has gotten them so excited and how can I get some?
But with all good things there are white people around fuck it up. Not that I am racist in any way, I just find the majority tends to take anything the minority has, whiten it up, and sell it at a discount price (Taco Bell, Kung Fu/Chuck Norris). As a result you get something like this.
I loooved this song when I was a kid. My grandmother would play this record all the time and I do not recall it being so “jazzy”. They replaced the church organ and soulful vocals with a casio keyboard and funk guitar.And why?
Cuz white people enjoy sucking the soul out of everything good and pure.
I recently saw Grant-Lee Phillips on Gilmore Girls and it reminded me of his band and the 90’s. When I look back at that decade I usually have fond memories. Most people I know hate their high school years but I don’t find them too terrible. Yes, people picked on me but I also made friends with some the of best people in the world. I also enjoyed the style of the 90’s. I was poor and sloppy but that was the style so I fit in. Thrift stores were big (and all my family could afford). The rich kids even dressed poor. It was a good time. I wore giant baggy shirts to hide my lack of womanhood and luckily for me spandex was the thing of the late 80’s. My high school years (93-96) were all about dressing (and drinking) like a hobo with no consequences.
Anyways back to Mr. Phillips. I remember sort of liking a Grant Lee Buffalo song and after watching Gilmore Girls I decided to you tube it.
It is complete crap. While watching this video I started feeling angry. Actual anger came out of me (teeth clenched, piercing eyes). I hate that stupid extra large dummy sweater but especially hate his dancing. This video reminded me of all those other crappy 90’s videos where the artist is trying to express extreme angst and emotion while playing mediocre music.
This video reminded me of everything I hate and blocked out of my 90’s memories. Stupid white (or in his case sorta white) people being sad towards a society which caters to them. Your video is on TV. You have fans. This is what you live for so please, fuck off.
But perhaps they do have a logical reason to be sad. Maybe they could foresee a future where Spin Doctors and Blind Melons are forgotten. A future where rappers are welcomed into homes and country singers are popular with the kids. Boy bands, high school musicals, and gays have replaced liberal college students with a guitar and a message for the world being spread one coffee shop at a time.
I am still getting familiar with the rules of the game. And that game is Toronto. And those rules make no sense to me.
Today I messed up. As the train pulled up and the doors open I just stood there looking for an opening as people scrambled out. This older lady saw me looking confused and said “you have to wait on the side until people get out”
Ohhhhh. I get it now. People get out THEN others get on. You see, we don’t have a subway in Sacramento but we do have an above ground train and our entering/exit system is different. When the doors open people enter on their right side while others exit on their right side. People get on and off at the same time. And of course if no one is getting on or off then more than one person can exit at the same time.
Then again we are not as populated as Toronto, not as many people rely on the train, and we have more than enough train cars.
Live and learn I suppose.
I recently discovered a few applications for the iPhone that are perfect for helping me avoid studying for finals. I have hundreds of pictures saved on my phone and looking for a new life. The PS Mobile (Photoshop mobile) application lets me add color and effects to a picture like dis….
Wouldn’t this be the perfect obituary picture? Shalome: known by few, loved by even fewer.
There is also a PhotoFunia application that allows you to put a picture inside a picture. I did this for The Grumpy Owl last night when I should have been in bed sleeping. If you click the link on his name you can see which picture I used. It was the best one. The rest are janky yet I can manage to enjoy a few of them in my own sad way.
And some are just creepy
I don’t know Celsius. In fact, just now I had to spell check Celsius because I tend to throw in a ‘c’ where the first ’s’ is located. Not to say I am an expert on Fahrenheit. I do know this much: anything above 90F is hot and anything below 50F is cold. The in between temperatures require a picture from the local meteorologist.
But Celsius and Canada weather is much more complicated. It always looks cold and the low numbers make me think it’s cold but on days like today it is muggy as hell. I ended up wearing a thick jacket and sweating my ass off.
On the subway ride home my classmate noticed me sweating (at least sweating more than a Mexican normally sweats) and stated “This is thin sweater weather, didn’t you watch the news?”. Yes, I did. But they were speaking mumbo jumbo to me. We came up with a plan.
The Celsius Chart
This is not the final project of course, I will add stickers and pictures of suns and clouds later. This is just to give you an idea of where I am headed with this madness.
This chart will tell me what I am in for and what to wear. I think it’s cute and shall provide me with many days of comfort.
It is silly when I say “I am cold and not ready for winter” and someone says “Technically it is Fall”. No it isn’t, not here. The seasons on the calender were created for cities with four seasons. Normal cities. Toronto has three seasons: Muggy Spring, Winter, and Winter part 2.
Muggy Spring:
This is from May until the end of August. I wear sandals, sundresses, bright colors and light sweaters. It is warm enough to sit on a patio and if you are lucky sunbathe. But it is still not hot enough to swim. I need it to be at least 99F (37.2 Celsius). The good this about “Toronto Summer” is that I never have to worry about getting a heat stroke and unless you have sensitive baby skin you won’t get a sun burn.The bad thing is if I don’t spend at least two weeks back home every year I will become an ugly pasty brown and as I like to say “I was born to be golden”.
Winter number 1:
This is from the beginning of September-end of October and End of March-End of April. This is rain and cold but not blizzard weather. You can wear regular boots and even Converse sometimes. From Sept-Nov it is cold, windy, and rainy but the snow hasn’t arrived. In March-May the snow on the ground is melting so you may slip. It is also dirty and muddy. I wear Uggs during this time cuz I think they are the most comfortable shoes ever!!! Plus my feet aren’t sweating. You will also need a jacket.
Winter part 2:
This is hell on earth. This last from November til March and it is as if snow was at war with people.Have you ever seen that movie Jack Frost? Not the wholesome family movie but the killer snowman Jack Frost. If you haven’t here is the trailer.
And that is Toronto Winter part 2.
Last year I learned that if you want to look cute in a picture say the word “prune” as you smile.
Yesterday I learned that my photographic smile is scary. I have tried to ‘prune’ it up but I end up looking like I kissed a vacuum. It is a nice distraction from my widening waistline. Not that I worry about weight, if I did I would create a diet that didn’t involve bacon and booze. I just find it odd that every year my shirts and pants keep shrinking.
Anyways, back to my face.
I was told I have a very lovely natural face. I just have a case of the crazies once a camera is thrown in front of my face. (Once, while visiting Glasgow with some friends, a waiter at the Indian food place remembered me from a year back and Amanda said “It must be Shalome’s crazyface”. The waiter said “Yes, she DOES have a memorable face”) . Memorable = crazy!
I remember asking a girl once how she looks so cute in every picture she takes and she said “practice in a mirror”. I have. Often. I look very sane when I am alone. Then I go outside and catch a reflection of myself in a car window and here comes the crazy.
I can either look normal and bored or Carol Channing bat shit crazy excited! There is no in between. So I guess I have to decide what’s better, being subtle just in case a camera is around and I don’t want evidence of my creepy side or just letting it all hang out?
HEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY!!!
I have recently become engaged in an adult relationship and I am stoked. I am also not quite prepared. As a little Shalome I have always wanted to get married, have a family, and a cute little house somewhere quiet.
(pic taken here)
Before any of this happens I knew I needed to gain a mate, get a job, and most of all think of others.
I am currently in a very Shalome-centric world where my needs are the most important and any relationship I have I am easy to brush off if it doesn’t fit. Compromise has been difficult. I spent many years in many toxic relationships which turned me into a bitter hag. I have built up this me against the world persona (thanks Tupac).
But now that has all changed. Not only am I allowing another person into my world I also have to be open to any crazies and jerk offs he has in his life. I have to accept this isn’t another episode of the Littlest Hobo, Davy and I won’t be hopping on the next train outta here once our adventure is done.
This is a good thing right? You can’t have change unless you are willing to give it as well. I guess I am now an adult.
Now that it is freezing cold out it’s that time of year for soups and stews. I blame the 10 lbs I gained last year on my love of stew.But I don’t care anymore, I have a companion that enjoys my curves and I have been buying bigger sweaters to hide my imperfections while in public.
Anyway my first soup of the year is GUMBO!!!
This is a fun soup to make. First you make the stock
Then you make the roux…
Then you add stuff and then you let it cook.
Making gumbo makes me soooooo happy. I have had a complicated few weeks full of craziness. You see, I have this boyfriend kinda guy and he seems to think that my insane rants are not as adorable as I do. I think I am hilarious, he thinks I am scary at times. When I am feeling misunderstood I tend to eat my feelings. That’s where the gumbo comes in. Being in your pajamas at 3pm isn’t so sad when you have a delicious bowl of gumbo to keep you company.
