Janky Folks

I was woken by an angry phone call this morning. It was Matt and he was not pleased. He woke up with company and I was to blame. As a friend my job is to not allow such nonsense but he forgave me since I have no recollection of how I made it home. We decided to grab lunch and try to piece together the events of last night. Matt summed up our night perfectly.

The night began with a trip to Target for a lint brush,which I just realized I no longer own. Then we had some drinks at Ye Old Tavern where I ran into Nikki, a ghost from my drunken past.Fast forward to Bennys where we had a few more drinks. Fast forward to the Mercantile where the night truly began. There is where we met this character.

He is the doughiest gay man in the world. Matt banned this person from looking or speaking to him. Thats part of Matts charm. But that did not stop this fella from trying to steal a kiss from poor Matthew.

Moving on,some of the other fuzzy memories for me include trying three times to take out money from the ATM and getting mad when I saw no money so deciding to slap the machine silly. Luckily,as I was walking away,there was a pleasant drag queen that informed me that the money comes out from the side. It did. So with the extra cash in my hands I decided dancing at the local gay club was in order. Faces is the only gay club I know that has a pool. I would never jump in it but it does fascinate me. A pool? In a bar? Insane! Here is where I lost my dear friend Matthew. At one point I saw him being cradled like a baby then he was gone.

This is the last known photo of Matthew. This is what you will be seeing on milk cartons. I do remember the lights turning on and it was time to leave the club so I attempt to chug my beer. This friendly gay behind me was like “Totally,right?” as he sipped his whiskey and coke through a straw. Me,being the people person I am, decided his drink looked better then mine and snatched his drink out his hand,threw the straw in the air, and chugged away. It was delicious and in my mind he was thankful for my help.

So as I attempt to get my mind back on track I am thankful for friends like Matt. No matter how insane my night is I always know his is worse and that makes me feel much much better about myself. I may have stolen a drink or two but atleast I did not throw my wallet into a fountain. He also accepts me for who I am, a drunk that gets very excited about the weinermobile.

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One Response to “Janky Folks”

  1. Matt (poke my hontas) Willis Says:

    Next time we don’t go out unless I’m wearing a harness and you are attached to the other end of it. Also my new drinking outfit will include a gag (so I don’t talk to people), and a fanny pack (containing ONLY cold hard cash and my home address in case I am found wandering the streets-No ATM card-apparently I withdrew 40 bucks from faces).

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