Don’t tread on me

When moving to the big city its common to hear “If I can’t make it here, I can’t make it anywhere!”. Well, dear friends, after a few weeks in Toronto you will be saying “I can’t make it here or anywhere so why keep trying”. Luckily for me I have no ambition. My goals include finishing school and seeking any sort of employment. Nothing too difficult. I hear that many people come to Toronto with dreams of becoming something of a big deal. They are raised in small towns and told all their lives they are special. Go on young Julio, make your parents proud. (Okay,perhaps not Julio seeing the lack of Mexicans here but you get the idea). Then they come to Toronto full of hopes and dreams. Well let me tell you, if the cold weather doesn’t kill those happy thoughts the cold people will.


Canada: Nothing too crazy. Thats the motto. In California if you are crazy you are an artist. You get a reality show and perhaps even a band. In Canada if you are crazy you sleep in parks and freeze to death. Do you think you are attractive? Smart? Interesting? Canada doesn’t.

I came here with the thought that,much like Sacramento, people are fairly nice. They smile at you and strangers say hello. People offer to help carry heavy objects for you. They help you fix a flat tire and even help with directions. While searching for Queen Street on my first Toronto trip it took me asking three people for directions before someone,without stopping, says “over there”. Let me also mention this person did not look at me or point to any direction. Over there meant “not here where I am currently walking so do not talk to me”.

Now I do not want to bad mouth Canada,it is very nice in some ways. You can walk pretty much anywhere at any hour and not get mugged or ass raped. There are many many things to do. You like music? Theater? Art? Book clubs? Small dog meetings? What you want, what you need, I gots it baby (that will be my impersonation of Toronto if it were a sleazy east coast guy with a trench coat,which it kinda is).

I will keep my goals limited. I will spend time reading, hopefully become friends with someone that enjoys Gilmore Girls as much as I do, and try my hardest to keep creepy old men away from my chihuahua.


I will be damned if this God forsaken town turns me into a cold asshole. Much like prison, Toronto is just another test of wills. No, I can’t make it here. I am not even sure what IT is but I don’t want any part of trying to make IT happen. I will keep on skipping through the streets of Canada in flip flops and freshly painted toe nails, waving hello at strangers and squealing at tiny dogs on the street.

Thats Cali style baby!


Cali style.


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