Moody Moods

So since placement at school has turned into a bitter fight and lost hours I have been spending my days at home waiting. This has caused stress and sometimes I feel like just giving up. I feel a rut coming. But I have good people in my life who got my back.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I use to think that eventually life would be easy. Why was I always met with challenges. When will I get my day in the sun?

I realize now that life is nothing but small challenges. Your job is to over come them and learn. I am starting to accept that shit happens and I have to try to make the best out of it. I can’t let this effect my emotions, my health, and most of all the way I treat people.

Today, as I was walking home, I was thinking about what a jerk my preceptor was. I was full of rage and anger. As I am crossing the street I walking into a group of people. Without excusing myself giving them an opportunity to move out of my way I shove past some teenage girl. She says in anger “Excuse yourself!” and I answer back “Fuck off!”

This is NOT the Shalome I know, or the Shalome I want to be. I started thinking about how this preceptor made me mad and now I made this random girl on the street mad. And perhaps she will be full of anger and make some other stranger mad. Kind of like a virus just spreading. I was part of this negative disease and I felt bad. If I could go back I would apologize because I was in the wrong. I will not let this angry, bitter, old lady turn me into her.

I won’t.

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